MARK AND CHRISTINA: A FAMILY REUNION
My adventure with Christina Crawford began on May 6 with her appearance at Town Hall in New York City to celebrate the 25th Anniversary of Joan’s appearance there!
I am a filmmaker and wanted to record as much of the event as I was able to. I had my wonderful friend, the glamourous Ms. Katherine Taylor, as our hostess on the Joan Tour. I wanted to film more outside before the show, but the traffic was awful and we arrived just at 7pm–show time! (We actually had to jump out of the taxi and RUN to show. If i had time, it would have been fun filming us runnin’. Kate looked hot. Everyone was staring). We get to show. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AWESOME IF WE CAME AT 6PM! drag queens; great lookin gay guys. poeple walkin around in Joan masks!!!! Only 2 hot women: Kate and this other girl whom I met later that nite.
We filmed part of show. It was very funny. I only got about 15 mins of film! Drag Queen, Lypsinka, did a wonderful Joan at Town Hall. He lip-synced to a recording of Joan. The audience was enchanted! Then, some actors from “Mommie Dearest” went onstage. The character who played Christina has gained some weight and had BROWN hair. I thought by now she should look more Baby-Janeish. I think I would have taken that route cuz at least I could write my bio about how “Mommie Dearest” destroyed my life. I became addicted to drugs, alchohol and cleanser. I was trapped in the
little 8 year old body of Christina Crawford. Think of the book signings I would have done. But, no. the real actress seems well adjusted. I was truly disappointed and quite bored. Then came the actress who played Carol Ann. Carol Ann is still alive!? She seemed so old in 1981 when the movie came out. As one friend said, “Carol Ann is here tonite? What!? Are they gonna carry her out on a stetcher!?” Much to my surprise, Carol Ann looked about 40–or a really great looking 50 year old! Again, I was appalled at her normalness. Is Faye Dunaway the only one who went bonkers after the film!?
Then, Rex Reed came on and interviewed Christina. It was a grand performance. Her mother taught her well. For someone who was supposedly
abused all her life, she sure had a great time in the spotlight. She made fun of her other sisters, “the twins”. When Rex Reed asked her why the twins never complained about Joan and, in fact, said they NEVER saw any abuse, Christina ignored the question and instead made fun of her sisters’
physical appearances and the fact that they are not really twins. Christina has wonderful timing. Her mother taught her well.
Daughter Dearest ended the interview by giving Lypsinka a “Christina Crawford Wire Hanger”. Sure–that’s funny. But if my mom abused me, I wouldn’t be handing out wire hangers to drag queens and asking $5 for autographs. I guess Joan forgot to tell Christina that it is rude to ask for payment for one’s autograph.
Then, Kate and I got in line to meet (and film!) the bitch daughter Christina! I got her to admit, on film, her favorite Joan flick (“Rain” and “Humoresque”–those are mine, too!). She’s such a phony. I was in awe thinking that Joan touched this person.
I took one last look at Christina and thought to myself, “‘Mildred Pierce’ was fiction??!!” Christina obviously took cues from Veda Pierce. Poor Joan…at least she had the twins to keep her company in her later years. In my mind, I could see Christina circa 1947 playing the piano in Joan’s Brentwood mansion saying, “My mother. An ACTRESS!?”
After the show, went to the club, “Life”, where they were celebrating Joan. That’s when they took my camera! Bastards! NYC is too media-savy. but lots
of stuff i could have filmed in club! it was cool with drag queens, strippers (male and female). We bumped into Kate’s friends. That’s when i officially met the hot other chick from the show. She had dark features. very strong. very Joan. She told me that seeing “Mommie Dearest” again makes ya just route for Joan more! Anyway, Kate’s friends were funny.
Christina has a bed and breakfast joint (sounds like “Mildred Pierce” again!). We decided to go to Christina’s bed and breakfast in Idaho and film a “search for Joan weekend” as part of my film. Like we’ll wear Joan masks. Rent Joan movies and ask the groundkeepers all about Joan. The hot girl thought it was funny. I think it would be funny to get hot female Joan fans and spend a weekend with gay guys and strait guys who are in love with
Joan. That will get Christina real angry!
So, we’re in the bar and WHO walks up to us but CAROL ANN from “Mommie Dearest”! Carol Ann (we don’t know her real name–we just rudely kept on callin her Carol Ann and tellin her how much we loved Joan). Wow! We were just sayin how she gave the worst performace in the movie when she came walkin in the club! We all yelled: “Carol Ann!” and she talked to us for 15 minutes! She was super cool. She told us some funny and nasty things about Faye Dunaway! And how she liked the real Joan! Wow!!!
Would have been great–but for my camera. And another great scene….Kate’s gay friends wouldn’t leave me alone. So’s I start grossin them out by
sayin: “Aw…Joan is so hot in ‘Possessed’. Everytime I see her in that I just need to fuck the shit outta her.” They went…”Oh, gross!”. So then
they started naming films and asked if I’d fuck her in those…when they got to her older films I said: “Well, ask me when i’m 50 if I’d fuck her in those flicks. But, if I’m like any other healthy 50 year old guy, I’d still wanna fuck Joan when she was hot and 25 and starring in ‘Grand Hotel’!”
The gay guys said I was warped!
WHERE WAS MY CAMERA!?
Got buzzed. Walked around Manhattan with Kate’s friends. Gave the hot chick a little buzzed innocent kiss goodbye. Told her I wanna film her in Idaho
at Christina’s bed and breakfast. Went back to Kate’s on the Upper East Side. Her insane neighbor banged at the door yellin at us at 4 am. He told us we slammed the door. As he was screaming at us, he kept on spinning his head. He never did make eye contact with us. All that was missing was the excessive cold cream, heavy lipstick, and wire hanger. What a perfect way
to end a day with Christina Crawford.
I went home the next day and looked inside my autographed copy of “Mommie Dearest”:
“To Mark. Best Wishes. Christina Crawford”.
By Mark Toscani